The Prowler (1981)

I just recently watched The Prowler for the first time. Oddly enough I have managed to overlook this gem which is a mystery because it features the early work of legendary make up artist Tom Savini who has done work in some of the Friday the 13th films,  George Romero's Dawn of the Dead, and many other iconic horrors. This film is also directed by Joseph Zito who ends up working with Savini again in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter in 1984.

So already this film has the ingredients for a successful slasher, not to mention some pretty sick cover art. You get in this movie what you see on the cover: an awesomely bad ass killer in WWII army gear prowling on the youth. The movie starts off with a handwritten break up letter written to a soldier called to duty. Apparently him being away was too hard for his lady, Rosemary, so she decides to move on and see other people. Shortly after a ship of soldiers coming home back to the states arrive. The year is 1945. Rosemary, now with a new man, is at her college graduation dance. The lovers decide to escape to a romantically lit dock on the water. Our prowler of course appears and kills them both with a pitchfork. Revenge! After the double murder the town decides, NO MORE DANCES! So our heart broken killer hushes down for quite some time. 

We fast forward to 35 years later, 1980, where the town prepares to bring back the graduation dance. This of course stirs up a bit of controversy at the town of Avalon Bay. This takes plan in New Jersey and was filmed in Cape May. I myself am a New Jersey native so already I have a biased opinion and think this is fucking awesome. Our masked killer makes a come back the night of the dance and starts to pick off his victims. Some of these deaths include a pitchfork to the stomach shower scene, a jock stabbed in the head so hard his eyes roll back in shock, a few standard throat slices, and a lot of wandering...and more wandering. Yes, this film starts off on a high note and at about 25 minutes in it starts to slow down, almost to a grinding halt. We have a decent kill count, but they almost become filler. Our last 10 minutes however pick back up with an intense chase scene. We find out who our masked WWII killer is, and it's so incredibly obvious that even Helen Keller could figure it out in the first 15 minutes. The end does have an epic head explosion via gun shot. Tom Savini at his best! 

The vibe of this film is very much like Friday the 13th meets Prom Night. Not the most clever writing, but we have 3 satisfying kills and one really cool looking killer. This is the sort of film that follows the classic rules of the early slashers, so it is definitely a crowd pleaser and worth seeing. Plus who doesn't want to go on a killing spree 35 years after getting your heart broken?

Blood Diner (1987)

There is nothing I love more than obscure 80s horror, especially ones that are "bad" because it probably means that there is a killer soundtrack, weird deaths, funny dialogue, and some really cool post punk outfits. Just recently I decided to give Blood Diner a stab since I have never had the chance to see it. It was just, awful. Believe me...I always love a low budget obscure horror...but this was just...awful. 

Based on the cover I assumed it was going to be about a hole in the wall diner out in the middle of nowhere in which the owners probably killed people in the diner and then served them for a lunch special the next day. They should have called this movie Blood What the Hell am I Watching? There is TOO Much Going on, Is this Movie Over Yet, Is This Even a Horror or a Comedy? Because that is exactly what I thought.

The film starts off with 2 brothers as kids (Mikey and Georgie) left at home by their mother, who literally leaves them alone at the house to go to the grocery store to, and I quote, "get some god damn tampons". Shortly after their crazy Uncle Anwar (who even has a name like "Anwar"?) busts through the door with a meat cleaver and tells the boys who are making pretend food his good byes, for moments after police shoot him dead in front of their house since he had been on a killing spree. We fast forward about 10-20 years in time to the 2 brothers as adults. They are digging up their dead uncle for his brain for they want to resurrect him from the dead. They do so, however, their uncle is nothing more than a talking brain and a set of eyes in a jar. After this resurrection the uncle demands that the brothers find the sleaziest women to kill and take their body parts to restore the life of the hell goddess Sheetar. In between all this they also run a diner that serves healthy food...vegetable dishes with human parts mixed in. Okay, now we can call it "Blood Diner". 

This film is sort of like Maniac meets Frankenhooker meets Street Trash. Slasher flicks usually have some comedy elements in slashers which is what makes them so fun to watch, but normally it was still 80% horror and 20% comedy. (I just pulled these numbers out of my ass, but I'd say it's pretty accurate). Slashers in general leave a lot of room for fantasy and creativity. Blood Diner really didn't have a good story. The movie kept going on, and on. There was no balance. It seems to me like they were throwing everything they could at the viewer for the sake of shock value. To be honest, I didn't care about the story, the characters, or overall style. This is coming from the person who will love a movie that has a shitty plot but an amazing atmosphere. I can't believe I am saying this about an 80's horror, but I really hated it and don't plan on ever seeing it again. Surprisingly enough, a lot of people seem to like this movie! I have read a lot of reviews, and I feel like I am working against the grain on this one. I understand why it has it's cult following, but it just wasn't for me. 

However, I will give credit where credit is due. Some scenes worth calling out are the naked aerobics massacre, the vegetarian trucker throwing up all over the diner, and the end ritual zombie scene at the goth bar blasting some Rammstein esque music. By all means, give this one a shot if you love your VHS era films and splatter punk. 

Silent Night Deadly Night (1984)

One thing I am always a sucker for are Christmas themed horror flicks. It probably stems from my hatred of this Holiday. It seems taboo to say that you hate Christmas, but if you ever worked in retail, you too would feel the same and would love nothing more then to see Santa Clause hack a bunch of people to death.

So in celebration of this Holiday season, I have decided to write about Silent Night, Deadly Night. The film starts off with young Billy and his family driving somewhere in the middle of Utah to visit crazy Grandpa at the mental hospital. When they arrive, Grandpa is sitting in his rocking chair in his usual comatose state. The parents leave little 8 year old Billy alone with him. Moments later Grandpa warns Billy about Santa Clause, and that if he see's Santa, he better run for his life. This immediately panics Billy and his parents come back but of course Grandpa is back to his quiet state. On the car ride back from the Christmas Eve visit they spot a man in a Santa suite broken down on the side of the road. His parents decide to pull over and help Santa. Little do they know that Santa is actually a burglar with a gun. Billy witnesses his parents get murdered and manages to get away.

This film is separated in 3 parts. Young Billy's back story, his time at the orphanage, and him at 18 as our killer Santa. So we move forward to his time at an orphanage under the rule of a strict heartless nun who refuses to acknowledge Billy's psychological damage, but instead she punishes him for any time he has an episode related to his hazy memory. Over time Mother Superior only adds to his trauma, ultimately creating a psycho in the making, brain washing him to think that "punishment is necessary, punishment is good".

So we get to Billy at 18. He grows up to be a soft spoken hunk! The nice nun who has always looked out for Billy, Sister Margaret, sets him up with a job as a stock room worker at a toy store. Of course the Christmas season creeps up on him and he is faced with Christmas decorations, and even having to dress up as Santa for the children. My favorite scene is when he has to have the children sit on his lap making him so uncomfortable and the worse Santa to take your kid to. One young girl was fidgeting all over, being really difficult and Billy Santa Clause looks right at her and says "you're being naughty" to intimidate her to stop. Hilarious. Shortly after the staff at the toy store has their holiday party. Our sweet handsome Billy sees the coworker he is crushing on being raped by a stock room clerk in the back. Anything sexual is a trigger for Billy since he saw his mother being taken advantage of before the Santa Clause thief killed her. He finally snaps and goes on a killing spree in his Santa Clause suit. Some of his killings include a Christmas light strangling and even pushing a teenager through deer antlers mounter on the wall. At the end of the film Billy makes his way back to the orphanage Christmas Morning to finish his rampage and kill Mother Superior. All the children in the orphanage embrace him as he walks in, unaware that he is not the Santa they had in mind. Billy takes his ax and lifts it to kill Mother Superior, but in the nick of time is shot down by a cop and the day is saved. The real tragedy is that he didn't get to kill off Mother Superior since she is the person who inflicted all this mental abuse that created the monster he became. All the children scream and Christmas is ruined. Chances are these children are all going to be a bunch of Billy's in the making and are going to need lots of medication and therapy. At the very end of the film we see a young boy who looks disturbed by all this and already putting people on his "naughty" list. Of course this leaves room open for a sequel.

What I love most about this movie is all the uproar that took place when it was released. A bunch of conservative bible hugging parents protested, as well as Siskel and Ebert who publically called out the director, writer, and producer of the film on their show and stated that this was a film made to ruin Christmas and just wanted to make money off of shock value and blood guts. The film was even pulled from the theaters shortly after it's release. So of course that means that this film is nothing short of awesome, and a must watch for anyone into slashers. Another interesting idea from this movie is that it's not just a "Killer Santa" film. It's a film that allows you to empathize, relate, and even feel bad for the killer. The real monsters of the film were the ones responsible for creating and adding fuel to the fire of Billy's post traumatic shock of seeing a man in a Santa costume murder his parents. This low budget flick does hold some great performances by Lilyan Chauvin who played Mother Superior. Her strictness was up to par with that of Sister Jude from American Horror Story. The fan favorite seems to be the short role of Grandpa played by Will Hare. His Christmas warning sets the tone for the rest of the film and is quite chilling. That scene makes me think, was he having a premonition, did he just want to torment Billy, did he too have a Christmas trauma, did he really have these comatose episodes or was he faking it to spite his family? Regardless, it kick starts this movie early on. Naughty or nice, this film is a must see! It has a great concept, it's fun and slashery, and it celebrates the true meaning of Christmas. It also has a really cool movie poster!

The Elvira Show (The Unaired Pilot)

Just the other day I discovered that one of my horror idols, Elvira, had an unaired TV pilot back in the earlier 90s. So of course I had stop everything I was doing to watch this. It was as if I had found a missing reel from Elivra: Mistress of the Dark which has been a top 10 favorite movie of mine since I was a kiddie. By the time I was in the first grade I practically memorized all of the lines. "I cut you man!" 

Elvira is such a clever franchise and a likable character. Who does' like a B horror movie hostess with campy humor and a little sex appeal? Okay, a lot of sex appeal. It's amazing how far Cassandra Peterson took her character Elvira. She went from local access TV horror hostess, to being syndicated and breaking paving way for being the first TV program to broadcast in 3D and eventually having 2 major motion pictures. Not to mention her Elvira costume is still the number 1 costume bought even today. Her character has appeared on SNL, MTV, and many commercials. There is even an Elvira pinball machine....which I need to own one day. So knowing all this, it only makes sense for her to try to develop her own sitcom series. 

In 1993, Anne Beats, long time writer for SNL, wrote the pilot to air on CBS. The writing was witty and full of double entendres. The premise of the show was that our beloved Elvira had moved to middle America with her Aunt Minerva who is a witch with super powers. Together they have their own business of fortune telling and potion making. Shortly into the pilot Elvira finds out that her niece has come to live with them, and she too is a witch. Together the 3 need to keep their witchy powers a secret with the company of their sassy black cat who talks. The pilot it self is quite hilarious. Elvira and Aunt Minerva have this cohesive chemistry that works for television. In my opinion this show had a good shot at making it one or two seasons and should have been given that chance. The concept of the show leaves so many great opportunities for future episodes. I can see them doing several spells gone bad episodes...Elvira going on dates...interactions with their potion customers and psychic readings. We should have definitely been given at least a full season of this gem. 

But one must ask, why did ABC not air this? We have to remember that this was still a little too edgy for the 90s, and ABC is geared more towards families. So having a sexy woman in revealing clothing casting spells might not have been the right fit for their demographic. Just 3 years later did they replicate this same pilot concept for Sabrina the Teenage Witch (3 witches living together with a talking cat). So maybe The Elvira Show was just too ahead for her time. Maybe Elvira is a character that is stronger and more effective in shorter segments rather then a 30 minute long television program.  Regardless, the pilot is worth checking out for anyone who appreciates Elvira and campy humor. So in the words of our favorite mistress of the dark, I will wrap this post up by saying, "unpleasant dreams".